They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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