so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
