Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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