She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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