Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
