i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
