I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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