you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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