We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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