I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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