I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
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My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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