I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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