At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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