Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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