Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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