took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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