if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
