we have officially lost it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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