quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
