I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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