but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
