U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
