fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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