Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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