Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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