Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
