I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
