also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
