I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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