3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
