ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
