On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
