i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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