So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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