you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
