puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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