My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
