FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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