soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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