A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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