He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Watching her eat just hurts me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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