That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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