Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
