it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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