I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
