Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
