Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
