So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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