2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
