Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
4 words: hood of his car
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
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