I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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