My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
