so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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