I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
