this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
