im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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