Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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