i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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