Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
