OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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