if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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