i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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