I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
