marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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